I am getting close to finishing the book that I have been working on for the last five years and I plan on publishing it this year. It is titled Being with Children in Peace, Joy and Freedom: A book of Skills and Resources for Parents. One of the aims of the book is to bring together a list of resources on peaceful parenting. At this stage, I am asking for your help to find out if I have missed something great that I should be including in this list.
I want to include books and websites that support peaceful, joyful parenting. I exclude any resources that advocate discipline (unless it is self-discipline), punishment of any kind and parent-imposed limits or consequences. I am also excluding books and websites that focus on the parenting aspects of home education and unschooling as I wish the book to appeal to the widest possible audience.
To give you an idea of the type of resources that I am interested in, here is an outline of my book. It covers five skills:
Skill 1 is a tool for helping your children with their problems. I call it Listening in Presence. I explore what it means to be fully present with your children and share tips for noticing and dissolving your old habits of reacting. Instead of reacting and communicating out of habit you will learn new ways of actively and respectfully listening to your children that help to restore peace.
Skill 2 is called Question your Thinking. This skill is based primarily on the teachings of Byron Katie and her method of self-inquiry based on four simple questions. I describe how to use self-inquiry to open your mind about issues that have been troubling you and dissolve your stress and worries about your children. I have used this tool for finding peace and guidance and I share insights into common beliefs about children and parenting.
Skill 3 is a method to help you to ask for help from your children to get what you want. It is an adaptation of Marshall Rosenburg’s Nonviolent Communication that I call Speaking from the Heart. It is about owning your problems and asking your children for help in a peaceful and honest way.
Skill 4 is called Creative Problem Solving. It incorporates each of the three skills described above and combines them with a problem solving technique. It provides a method for dealing with situations where you are stuck in conflict with your child. This skill takes the power struggle out of parenting. It will also take you deeper into the art of asking for and receiving intuitive guidance.
Skill 5 is an invitation to play with your children and to notice and respect the importance of play in their lives. It describes how play can be a powerful tool for strengthening your relationship with your child as well as healing emotional wounds.
The books that are on my list of resources so far are these:
Marshall Rosenburg, Nonviolent Communication; The Language of Life, 2003, Puddle Dancer Press, Ca.
Thomas Gordon, Parent Effectiveness Training, 1970, Penguin, USA.
Marshall Rosenburg, Raising Children Compassionately, Parenting the Nonviolent Communication Way, 2005, Puddle Dancer Press.
Sura Hart and Victoria Kindle Hodson, Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids; 7 Keys to Turn Family Conflict into Co-operation, 2006, Puddle Dancer Press, Ca.
Alfie Kohn, Punished by Rewards: The trouble with gold stars, incentive plans, A’s, praise, and other bribes, 1993, Houghton Mifflin, NY.
Alfie Kohn, Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason, 2005, Atria Books.
Ross W. Greene, The Explosive Child; A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children, 1998, HarperCollins, USA.
Lawrence J. Cohen, Playful Parenting, 2001, Ballantine Books. NY.
Naomi Aldort, Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves, (2005) Book Publishers Network, WA. USA.
Jane R Hirschmann and Lela ZaphiropoulosKids, Carrots, and Candy: A Practical, Positive Approach to Raising Children Free of Food and Weight Problems, 2012, Createspace, USA.
Patty Wipfler, Listening to Children: Playlistening, (booklet) 2006, Hand in Hand, USA.
Patty Wipfler, Listening to Children: Special Time, (booklet) 2006, Hand in Hand, USA.
Patty Wipfler, Listening to Children: Crying, (booklet) 2006, Hand in Hand, USA.
Patty Wipfler, Listening to Children: Reaching for Your Angry Child, (booklet) 2006, Hand in Hand, USA.
Patty Wipfler, Listening to Children: Healing Children’s Fears, (booklet) 2006, Hand in Hand, USA.
Patty Wipfler, Listening to Children: Tantrums and Indignation, (booklet) 2006, Hand in Hand, USA.
I have also ordered some books that are currently on the way to me and may also join this list:
Lawrence J. Cohen, The Opposite of Worry: The Playful Parenting Approach to Childhood Anxieties and Fears
Alfie Kohn, The Myth of the Spoiled Child: Challenging the Conventional Wisdom about Children and Parenting
Gary Chapman, Ross Campbell, The 5 Love Languages of Children
Websites that I include are:
I would love to hear of any suggestions that you have for books or websites to add to this list.
Thank you and Happy New Year!