A natural flow of desire and challenge

I have these moments when inspiration comes to me. So often it is when I go walking on the mountain near my home. I park the car part way up and then walk the last kilometre up the road to the top. The road climbs up through a tall forest of turpentine and eucalypts. The trees arch over the road creating a leafy vaulted ceiling. When I walk early in the morning the bush is gently peaceful with the choir of birds providing a background chorus. And the smell! The smell! I think that’s what brings me home most quickly. I take deep draughts of the forest smell and I feel instantly calmer and more centered. I come home to presence. I breathe in the aliveness and timeless peace of the forest and I know that I AM.

As I walk I gradually let my thoughts fall away. They bounce around for a while, having their play with me. I let them dance, and all the while the energy of the forest is drawing me deeper, calling me into Oneness. My daily concerns and plans never compete long for my attention. The power and joy of presence-energy sweeps them away as I climb up the mountain road.

And then I am at the top, still in forest but it is flat here and the road ends. I take off my shoes and meet the mountain and the forest debris directly, skin-to-skin. I know myself as alive, creative space. My mind has quietened now and I relax into the lightness of Being. I anticipate the gifts that the morning will bring. I know that ideas and desires have room to sprout here. This is where they germinate; with the wind in the trees and the tiny brown birds going about their business.

This is the space where desire gets to frolic. Where dreams are born. Where anything is possible. This is the space where my true nature and my souls’ purpose guide me.

The inspiration flows.

And then it is time to walk back down the road. Carried along with the joy of creative dreams and desires. Held and supported within the forest cathedral. Knowing the trees and the birds as my other-selves.

How long does this joy and knowing last when I get back down to my home in the suburbs? How does it fare when met by the pile of washing up, the car in need of maintenance, the child desperate for food and attention?

For so many years I let my desire and knowing crumble and dissolve away within hours, sometimes minutes, of coming back into my domestic environment. What a contrast! The stresses and worries crowded back into my mind. I felt pressured by others to do more, care for them more, be more like them. I felt the old pull of wanting to fit in, of family ties, of my need to be appreciated and accepted. I was left with was a desire to escape. To get back up on the mountain, back to the forest or into the sea where I could once again be at peace, and feel nourished and supported.

I have found a way to turn this cycle around. To anticipate the challenges and welcome them. I have found the gifts that come from going with the natural flow of Life rather than struggling against it.

I have come to understand that not only are the challenges to my desire inevitable, they are essential. Each new wave of inspiration and desire will naturally be met with an upwelling of old limiting beliefs. These will flood into my mind and will be mirrored in the circumstances around me. I will think about all the things that I “should” be doing instead of following my dream. Jobs and people will make their demands. I will doubt myself and be doubted by others. I will believe that I am not good enough, not deserving and not able to make my desires appear. I will see lack staring me in the face – lack of money, of energy, of support.

Are these challenges for real? Are these things that I must fight against and conquer if I am to hold on to my desires? Or is this simply an opportunity to question my thinking and hold true to my desires.


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